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Monday, November 25, 2024

The Trilemma

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Himal Limbu

“I am proud of you, my darling.”

Saying this, Numa’s mother hugged her daughter wholeheartedly. She kissed at her forehead. “We are really proud of you. Thank you for making us proud, chhori.” She said.

“You are welcome, mum. It’s all thanks to you.” Numa said proudly. She was able to bag the gold medal in ‘Interschool Drawing Contest’ organized by Tumyang Art Gallary, Dharan. Taya, the neighbouring friend was staring at Numa. She seemed happy at her friend’s success concealing her jealousy. But Numa did not look at her. Instead, she turned arrogant at her facial guise.

“Whose daughter are you, Numa? Dhansher’s daughter you are, Numa! I am very very proud of you, my daughter. Keep it up and make us proud, my baby.” Dhansher, Numa’s father rubbed his nose while speaking in husky voice.

“Thank you, aapa. I will keep your head high.” Numa said in haughty voice as if she were a victorious soldier of a war. “Syabash, chhori. I have full faith on you.” Dhansher lauded his daughter. He made a keen observation all around the trophy. He smiled touching its gilded part. Taya was hovering around them from the very first. They did not look at her. The glow of her face did not fade away when she waved to her friend. But Numa was swollen up to the level. She did not wave to bid her bye.

The sun rose making a silent call of awakening to all the sentient beings on the planet. Numa was lying in her bed. She had enough sleep for her body whereas her mind was playing on her dream of fame. Her special imagination of drowsy state was wondrous. She fancied the world of fantastic fame.

“I will create personal account of Tik Tok and Instagram. I will upload my videos on them; videos of my painting, modeling and visual arts.  I hope I will have millions of views and likes. I will receive comments and compliments. No doubt I will be called for interview. Several Youtubers, TV anchors, bloggists and media workers will follow me. Wowoo! Microphones, cameras, shootings around me …I will be renown celebrate…; liked, loved and listed by many fans. I will be famous. Everyone will know me. They will know who I am, what my arts and my style. I will be famous throughout Nepal, India, then Asia, Europe, America and across the world, famous very famous. Hurray…I will be famous in short time. I will rise to the peak of popularity. Oh, Numa, this is your time. Catch it to be famous.”

Numa was nervous to hold her high status after thinking of her famous status. She smiled keeping her eyes closed. She forgot that she was sleeping on the bed. She did not realize whether it was her daydream or reality. She threw the blanket down the bed. She got up and again thought how she  wished to bring her dream into reality. She needed an uninterruptible hard work to be famous.

Numa set her camera ready at the stand in the corner of her room. She spent almost an hour for dressing up. She chose the best suit for the video shoot. Taya came to help her. She did her eyebrow threading. She pulled her hair straight glowing with highlighter. Cream, eye gloss, lipstick and other beauty enhancers were applied on her face. The natural beauty was covered with artificial makeup. Eventually, Numa was ready for art work. She had a plan to paint her own face on the canvas. Taya was asked to take video of Numa and her live painting show. Numa picked up a paint brush, colours and drawing board. She was well prepared for the first take of video shooting. Taya said, “Get ready, start.” Numa began painting on the canvas supported by a wooden frame from behind. Numa looked at her face on the looking glass and drew the sketch of her face. While drawing the shape of left eye, her paint brush overflowed dark colour. The eye became blotted and bleak in blackness. Taya stopped taking video. Numa pulled out the incomplete painting, wrapped it and disposed in the dustbin. Taya was ready for another shoot. She said, ” Numa, be careful. Do not mistake this time. …Ready, start.” Numa started painting her image on the canvas. She was careful to give the fair finishing to her art. She was about to finish the painting. Suddenly, her brush slipped from her hand spraying the red colour in white teeth row of her mouth. Her mouth in the painting looked bloody. Two friends burst into sudden laughter. Numa was going to release her first flawless video. Taya asked her to defer the shooting for the day. Numa insisted to complete the task. They had already wasted three hours for the mission. Numa wanted to have the mission accomplished anyway. Taya got ready for the third time. Numa seemed determined not to commit any mistake for this time. Again she failed because she forgot to brightly outline her eyebrow on the painting. This process continued for more than seven times. At last, Numa got her way through. Taya took a deep breath in respite. She slept on the bed for rest. She was quite tired due to hours of shooting as a photographer. Numa was over excited when she got her video of painting in the perfect form as she had wished. Now she could edit it for uploading on Tik Tok.

Numa had her own Tik Tok account: @numa123. She uploaded the painting of her own beauty. She adjusted the video with music. While uploading she had goose bumps on her body. She said herself, “I wish I would have millions of likes and views. I wish I were very famous. ” When she wished her popularity over a night, she had a chill feel in her body. She seemed happy as she had an art work to show the world. She was proud of herself. She cancelled wifi connection and let the cell phone remain in rest. Five minutes passed. She pressed on the wifi network. She directly opened Tik Tok to check likes and views. She got three likes and five views so far. Abruptly, she backed from the app. “I were too impatient. I will certainly get a lot of likes and views on the turn of the day. Why should I hurry and worry before the time?” Numa mumbled alone.

Numa had checked her Tik Tok video more than twenty times before the sunrise of the following day. She had got 85 likes and 114 views. It was not her expectation. She wished she had 100k views and millions of likes. “What a flop! My followers are fewer.” She threw her cell phone on the cushion of her bed. She kicked at the dustbin kept in the corner of the room. She banged on the door with her tight fist. She was quite furious. She forgot herself for some time. “I am not famous, why? Why? Why? What’s wrong in me? What problem in my painting? No likes, no comment, no compliment! Others have several views, many likes and fast fame, but to me, nothing! What is this? It’s not fair.” Numa grudged herself and hurled the chain gate of her house crashing on the wall. She was exasperated with her Tik Tok post and unknown fans who did not follow her. Her dream to be famous came to be shattered. Taya rushed into the house and asked in a gasp. “Numa, you have got 200 views.” Numa kicked the red rug at the door tread. Taya stopped on the way when she saw her friend grumpy. “What happened to you, Numa?”

“Don’t talk, Taya. My mood is bad.” Numa said crossly.

“I know you look sad. What’s your problem, Numa?”

Numa denied to reply and turned to other side. Taya approached her putting her right hand on Numa’s head. She caressed her hair, head and hand. Numa turned to Taya, shoved her head on her chest and started sobbing. “I could not become famous, Taya. I could not sleep all night longing for reputation. But I don’t have much view, likes, followers ……….”  

Taya embraced her friend to bring into comfort. She said “Numa, you should not be overambitious. You are studying in eighth grade. You are just fourteen. How can you become famous so fast? You should wait for the day. Do not lose hope.” Taya wanted to divert her friend’s obsession. Then she spoke in thrilling tone.

“Numa, it’s your happy birthday on 6th of this month, isn’t it?”

Numa chuckled with teary eyes showing white teeth through half closed mouth. “Yes, it’s the day after tomorrow.”

“How are you going to celebrate your 15th birthday?”

“Simply. Few friends and relatives will join the party in the birthday eve. That’s all.”

“Did you make an order of birthday cake?”

Numa said in low voice, ” Oh, no. I forgot it at all. It will be late if I don’t make an order today.”

“Your parents are supposed to do that, aren’t they?” Taya was curious.

“No. I will go for cake myself. I have a plan of special and savory birthday cake for this time. Let’s go to Dharan Bakery now. I will give order of it.”

Numa and Taya got on the scooter and rode towards market.

It was the most awaited day, 6th of Manshir. Numa woke up early in the morning. She had a charming glow in her face. She became happier than ever before when her mother and father wished her, “Happy Birthday”. Before entering the washroom, she scrolled down the screen of her cell phone. Her message box was teeming with best wishes. Her face gleamed much brighter when she felt she had a number of friends and fans who had wished her happy birthday. Today Numa was extremely happy. Her happiness was crossing the level. The birthday celebration took place in the evening.

“Numa, wake up. It’s time to go to school. Least, you will be late, darling.” Numa got a knock on her body. She huddled up in the quilt. The more knocks she received, the more covering she had inside the quilt.

“It’s gonna be too late, darling.”

“No, mama! I don’t go to school today. I’ve hang o-ver of birr-th-day..ayy party.”              

“Hello, Numa, unwrap yourself. Look at here. What a surprise! Ding dong dong ………”

“No, No. Don’t disturb na, mama.” Numa pulled the quilt up to her head turf. 

“Hey, Sleeping Queen! It’s your Art Teacher, Lasima.”

Numa became alert when she heard the name of her art teacher. Her art teacher was her inspiration in artwork. She was so passionate in drawings that she had a dream to be like Lain Singh Bangdel of her time. Numa had avid desire to meet and talk to her dear art teacher. Lasima madam was an ex-art teacher in her school.  

Lasima madam said, “Numa, you know, you are my best student. You are a creation like an art. You are born to carry on the work of your predecessors. I know your dream for art. I know you’re crazy of art. I realize you are going through a stressful time now. You are in the trilemma complex. You have confusion in bipolarities of life: Pride or Glory, Happy Birthday or Happy Day; and Fame or Prestige.

Today I want to make you clear on these polarities.”

Numa drew her attention fully. She forgot where she really was, at home or at her classroom. She was interested in the motivational words from her best teacher after a long time. Three years ago she could meet and talk lively with her art teacher. But she left the school and went to France for further study of arts. Now Numa and Lasima madam were virtually facing just at each other in Numa’s dream.

Lasima madam said, “Listen, Numa, yesterday was your birthday. You remained happy in your birthday. Your friends and relatives wished you happy birthday. In other days, you were in tension. Actually, we should be happy every day not only on birthday. Did you get me, Numa?” Numa nodded her head in consent. She was clear to the point of her teacher.

Numa said, “Yes, mam. I am happy in listening to you madam. You are very kind to me.”

Lasima madam further said, “When you won the the Gold medal in the Interschool Drawing Contest, your father and mother said they were very proud of you. It made you a bit arrogant. Instead of pride, you must have glory. You must be glorious not proud.” Lasima madam observed the facial gesture of Numa through her white spectacles. Numa seemed confused. Madam said, “Pride makes a person arrogant, stubborn and rigid. But glory is a shining quality. A person must work hard to be glorious. Other people will also feel glorious by the name and deed of him or her. Glory is a legacy of long struggle and achievement. Try for glory, Numa. Okey?”

“OK, madam. Thank you for your suggestion,” Numa said in a gentle way.

“Last thing I want to say you is about your desire to be famous Tik Tok Star. I know you wanted to be famous in your art work through social media. Remember, fame of a day does not last long. Do not think of being famous overnight. It is just like a wave of water. Think of being glorious and prestigious. For that you need to do service and contribute to the world.”

Numa smiled when her art teacher counseled about her desires and emotion which were shattered in the last few days. Her teacher said to her, “Numa, follow your passion of painting art. You can be happy every day; you will be famous, glorious and prestigious one day as your grandfather Lain Singh Wandel was.”

Numa heard the ring tone of her mobile phone. She woke up and looked around she was in her bedroom. She was shocked due to her unusual dream. She received the call.

“Hello, Numa, good morning.”

“Good morining, madam,” Numa said in astonishment.

“Now I am at Ecole des Beaux Arts School in Paris. In this Arts School, Lain Singh Bangdel studied modern arts for 12 years from 1952 to 1964. I feel happy, glorious and prestigious to be a disciple of Nepali Arthistorian, Bangdel. I am viewing his paintings and drawings collected in the gallery of this school. By the way, I remember……”

Numa wanted to speak some more time with her art teacher. Suddenly, the phone call got disconnected. She put the mobile phone on the table. She sneered herself. She could not understand what was happening with her. How her dream of Lasima madam and her phone call coincidentally happened at the same time! She was thinking of the rarest event that may happen in life. Her mother opened the door, peeped in and said, “Numa, come out. Two men have come to deal with your paintings which you had showcased for sale on Tik Tok and Facebook.”

While exiting from her room, Numa repeated the words of her art teacher in her heart, “My arts are my happiness, my glory and my prestige. I work for these triages of life. I don’t have trilemma anymore.”

[Himal Limbu teaches English at SAM, Dharan. He writes short stories, poems and research articles in English and Nepali language.]

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