Mira Gotame
After watching her short videos, reading her posts, seeing her elegant photos and listening to her interviews, I have always felt an urge to write my opinions about Priyanka Karki, the leading lady of Nepali film industry. After keen observation of many of Priyanka’s activities right after her pregnancy to the journey of her motherhood, I felt like I must write something as a tribute to such a trend setter of our country.
When the whole nation was busy criticizing for her openness, I was admiring her secretly. People are always there for criticism no matter what. They don’t even need a reason to hate you. But today, this secret admirer is going to appreciate whatever she has been doing for her baby.
I was never a Priyanka’s fan though I had seen her movies. I always liked her acting and dancing skills but wasn’t ready to categorize myself as somebody’s fan. It’s not only the work that has to be appreciated, it’s also your thinking, your ideas, your concept and behaviour that needs to be modernized and appreciated eventually.
After the news of her pregnancy took its height, she posted,” You can stop asking now! Yes, we are pregnant”. Wasn’t that so weird to hear? At the first glance it looked so weird to me but later I found out the depth of the sentence “We are pregnant” .This was something so special, so good I had ever found in social media. It carried the meaning of togetherness. From that day till date, I have always liked her gestures.
Her active involvement in social media, her tiktok videos portray how she has been dealing with her new roles in life. I have never seen such energetic charming lady even in her difficult times. Till then I had only seen the stereotyped pregnant ladies who are considered to be lethargic and vulnerable. For the first time I felt that after conceiving a baby, your life is not over. You can also party and feast and spread the happiness. You are not only subjected to misery and helplessness. Then only I regretted for not being able to celebrate the special phase of my life. Now that the time has gone I can’t relive the moment. How I wish to accept the reality of a female body and enjoy the unique features.
Nevertheless, the role of her husband, Aayushman is equally commendable. He has shown maturity in every step of their parenthood. Only if the new fathers understand and behave the way he did to his wife, a lot of things would change. Hats off to the husband like Ayushman and the family like theirs. Positivity, companionship and support are the virtues every girls need in the life. Lucky Priyanka has them all. I remember many instances when my husband was criticized for helping me and supporting me in such times. Even in the family, a husband too suffers; he also can’t reach out to help his wife. If he does, he is subjected to criticisms as if helping a wife is a matter of shame.
Priyanka herself has a clear concept of motherhood. Moreover, her entire family (parents as well as her in laws) have proved to be the role models in the society. I wish every household has such caring family members who make their daughters and daughter in laws feel special in such critical times. It’s your family who can make a daughter in law’s life either heaven or hell. Still there are thousands of families to make a female’s life a complete hell. No one likes if a mother is enjoying. They add negativity, burden, workload and many other things just to avoid seeing a new mother’s happiness.
In the mean time, I also salute Priyanka’s guts for facing all those negativity that came along when she was preparing for her motherhood. I wonder how she got the power to handle all this fuss. But slowly, perspectives towards her are changing. People have started praising for being a doting mother. Today or tomorrow, it had to change. Now I see the overwhelming responses from the public too. She might have won many titles and awards in some beauty pageants and in her movie career but in her life, she truly deserves a title: ‘Trendsetter.’
Recently, I watched an interview where she has spoken openly about her postpartum depression. There also, every word she has delivered reveals the truth. She represents the modern lady in the real sense. Either it was the celebration of pregnancy or postpartum depression; the way she has been bringing the issues in the forefront is remarkable. She is fair enough in her confessions. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I feel like I too wanted to celebrate my pregnancy. I have also suffered a lot of anxiety issues. No one understood me neither I could figure it out what I was suffering from. I had least idea what I was going through. Sleepless nights, baby feeding, job, and home what was not there to balance? I would always brood that I was the only one to feel so difficult when I became a mother. I would see others handling all these things so easily and I was only the one to struggle.
No one told me motherhood is a tough job. I too suffered loneliness. I too suffered hopelessness. Perhaps I could also bring my issue into discussion. I would feel relieved. I am sure that there were hundreds of women who underwent the phases like I did. But a sad reality was that, there was no celebrity like Priyanka to speak up openly a decade ago. After so many years I have understood that it was just because of the changes in roles. It was also because of the unsupportive family system, the system that only wanted to gain from the daughters in laws’ family and is never ready to give. Naturally, it was and still is a common phenomenon in our Nepalese society.
The way Priyanka is raising her baby makes me so emotional. Probably she is the most fortunate lady to get such a caring husband and supportive family before and after the baby’s birth. When I see little Aayanka I feel there is no other kid luckier than her. Either in the womb or in the lap of her mother all she has received is love, love and only love. Being a mother is indeed a difficult journey. Physical changes, emotional changes, mood swings, change in food habit. Almost everything undergoes changes. One feels down for no reason. In such a period if someone can celebrate then it’s amazing. It’s even more amazing when her partner also equally gets involved. Here, the role of the family and the partner increases. The more you love, the better she feels. The better she feels, the more she can give.
The culture I never like in our society is going to parents’ home (maiti) after delivery. When a lady is able to do all the household chores all by herself, she stays where she is married. But when she is unable to do, let’s say, when she needs others help, then she is sent to her parents. Not only that, she has to return with all the necessary stuffs for the child and herself. The most ridiculous thing is that she is expected to bring lots of delicacies along with dresses (koseli) to all the in laws who don’t even help her in her hard times. Because of these kinds of burden also, I think, a son is always preferred to a daughter in our society. Now Priyanka has openly challenged this culture. She has stated that she wanted Aayushman to witness and feel how his child’s growing. So, she didn’t go to her maiti. The level of respect towards her doubled, when I heard this statement.
Following the trend she has set, let’s hope that every pregnant lady in the nation will be able to celebrate pregnancy, embrace her motherhood with positivity and gets full support from the family. If the conception of a child doesn’t happen alone, why does she suffer alone? Entire process of parenthood should be celebrated together. If complications come, those also should be solved together. The male counterpart and his family also should lend their supportive hands.