Nita Karki
Like any other day, today I’m here sharing my pain caused by loneliness. This morning, too, as usual, I am missing my family. I am thinking about them.
Whenever I see people of my age playing with their grandson my eyes became full of tears. I remember the day when my grandson roamed here and there. I missed the day when my grandson liked to listen to loris, stories and said “aama, ani k hunxa?” in every part of the story. Not only my grandson I am missing my son whom I carried for nine months in my womb without caring my pain, but caring his safety. The day when he was born, we all were happy. But he forgets everything. These days, he does not even ask about my health.
I remember the day when my son went to mamaghar. He returned in a day with his eyes full of tears saying, “mummy mummy, I cannot live without you!” The same son who could not live a day without me today does not call me for years.
Everything has changed.
Today it has been more than 5 years he even hasn’t phoned me. When every person asks with whom you live, I feel so shameless to say “there is no one in my family”. Today, I don’t have a person to give me a glass of water when I am sick. What a fate I have. Is it the life of a mother? Is it how mothers should feel?
When we all were together I remember the day when you said, “Our house is so small. When I earn a lot of money, I will buy a big house.” I was so happy with your plan. But where is the plan now? Today the same small house is too big for me. Today I don’t have anyone who says, “Mummy, fast I’m hungry”. The day you left me I stopped cooking chicken because that made me cry. Today also I feel like you are calling me. Now I don’t like to live in this house because I remember your childhood. Am I really a burden for you, my son?
No problem, you might be busy with success and hard work. Being a mother, I need to understand my son. So, I try to remember a golden day we spent together. Whenever I think about my past with my family automatically I smile. To remain happy, I just think about my family and me. I look at every bus that pass by the village thinking he might come in one of them.
Today you are also a father. I hope you will understand the mother’s love towards son and family. I don’t think I will live much longer because I have suffered from many kinds of disease. Before I die I want to spend some time with my family. Hope my love towards my son will come back in my life before I die. I really want to see them.
[Nita Karki is a student of Grade XI at Koshi Saint James Secondary School, Itahari.]