Kristina Pokhrel
Saturday, May 29, 2021
As usual, I woke up at 6 am in the morning. It was cold so I covered myself with a tattered blanket. This tattered blanket looks like of no use but it can protect me from extreme cold and give me warmth.
Six years ago on mother’s day, my son gifted me a blanket. This blanket is the most important thing for me because it is given to me by my son. This blanket is becoming weak like me and my son’s relationship.
My son is a grown man now. He lives in a city. I sent him to city for better education. Now he has got better education, beautiful wife, two lovely children and secure future. He has got everything in his life except his mother. When he became an engineer, I was so happy for him. I was so happy that me and my son are going to live together after many years. But my happiness didn’t last long. It didn’t happen like what I wanted. I never thought my son would leave me alone like this. I’m living in darkness since he left me. The darkness I’m in can only be taken away either by my son or the death!
I’m becoming old day by day and suffering more. My body is weak now. I’m slowly losing my eyesight and hearing capacity. I can’t even stand for five minutes. Pain and problem have made me weak. I’m living a life which is harder to live for you, my son. There is nobody to take care of me. I have to cook for myself. I remember those days when I used to feed you with my own hands. Wish I can bring back those days!
I’m also suffering from many diseases. I’m not able to buy medicines. Hospitals are far away from the place where l live. In this time, I go back to the past when you became sick sometimes. I couldn’t sleep properly when you were sick.
The house you were born was damaged by last year’s earthquake. Water drops in my bed during the rain. There is no electricity. I usually light up the candles during night. I have to cook in dark sometimes and sometimes I sleep without food. Water is also not easily available here. I need to walk some minutes to get some water. This place is only suitable for summer. During the winter, everything gets frozen so I move to old age homes for my survival. That’s how I’m spending my days. I’m suffering everyday for my survival.
I’m living alone with loneliness and pain. I eat alone, sleep alone and speak alone. The only thing I have in my life is never ending sorrow. I sometimes feel my son were still small so that I could hold him forever in my arms. I miss those days when you used to call me ‘mom’ from day to night. How fast you became bigger and a stranger. I always wonder where did I go wrong to deserve this. I never imagined we could live without each other. A boy who couldn’t live a minute without me is now a man who doesn’t have a minute for me. I don’t know if it’s our fault or the time but I’m suffering the most.
When you used to play around me, there was nothing that made me sad. When you used to smile, I wished I could stop the time and see your beautiful smile forever. I thought time and ages could never change our love.But I was so wrong, my son. I saw my future with you and your children. I wanted to keep my family together with love and peace. I still want this. Till this day, my prayers start and end with you. My painful heart still doesn’t want tears to flow from your eyes. I wish you would realize no one can love you more than me.
I hope there will be a day when you will come to me. I miss you.
Kristina Pokhrel is a student of grade XI at Koshi Saint James Secondary School, Itahari