Amazona Tamang
Thursday, 27 May 2021
As usual, today I also had to get up early in the morning with my one and only loneliness which was always there for me for past 5 years. Realizing that I’m all alone, I started my morning task. At very first I gave bath to myself and then worshipped the lord; I just prayed to god that my son and his family be safe and grow better. Then I cleaned the house as much I could and prepared tea for the breakfast.
WhileI was sitting in the balcony warming up in the sun, I saw thechildren in the neighbourhoodplaying with sticks, and remembered my small Gopu taking a stick in a hand and telling me, “Mama, look what I have got, this is a powerful sword for protecting you.Now I have become a super hero; and if anyone makes you cry,I will punish them with this sword.” Not only this but there were so many things he said to me which used to make me feel so special to be a mother. But today all those things had turn into a story. Remembering the past has become my everyday job cause there is no one to make my present special.
Today I miss my son and grandchildren so badly that my tears fall down from my eyes. It has been 5 years that I haven’t seen my son and my grandchildren and not even got any letter or news from them. It kills me inside. Oh, my son!I still remember those days when I was the apple of your eye. Even a single moment without me used to make you cry. But today I cry to see you infront of my eyes. I’ve killed my hope to play with my grandchildren but just want to see them once and touch them with this feeble hand. May be my grandchildren are now no small enough to wear those sweaters and hand knitted shocks that I knitted for them 4 years ago. I want to see my family before my death; I’m dying to see them.
Diving in this depressed ocean of thoughts today also when I looked at the photograph of my son hanging on the wall,it was taken when he was preparing to be ready for the first day of the job in the famous business company in the city, I don’t even know what job he was going to do.But when I heard the news of his employment, I was a happiest mother in the world. Those happy moments in the past make me sad today.
Along with darker stage of twilight my eyes start to get blurry. I’m growing older and older now.I really need someone to look after me; but how unlucky I am that even having a family I don’t have them here now. But I just want to say to my dear son, “I’m happy for what you are today. My best wishes are always with you. It’s difficult to spend days alone here without you; but your success is my happiness. I will spend my days like this in your memories and hope to meet you all very soon.”
Amazona Tamang is a student of Grade 11 at Koshi Saint James Secondary School, Itahari