Parshu Shrestha
Just after passing School Leaving Certificate (SLC) examination in 1996, I went to Kathmandu with a plan to join Intermediate of Science (ISc) at Amrit Science College (ASCOL), the most reputed public science college of the nation at that time. Since I was the batch-topper of my school with 74.28% marks in SLC, I had been a kind of celebrity in my village and was regarded a brilliant student.
Though I had secured the first division marks in English, I could not communicate with anybody, by writing or by speaking, using the language. Therefore, I started visiting the British Council Library in Lainchaur with hope that it would help me improve my English. Once entered, I usually remained inside the library the whole afternoon reading books, magazines, and newspapers in English. However, being a product of a government school in village, where English was taught in Nepali (using grammar translation method), I soon realized that I was not so good at English. I could hardly understand anything I read in books or newspapers. I had passed all school exams in English memorizing the answers from guide books, or from the teachers’ notes.
One afternoon, I felt hungry while reading a book in the library. So, I wanted to go out to eat something. As I opened the entrance door and was about to step out, a foreigner who was coming in almost collided with me. He stopped me at the door.
“Excuse me, could you tell me what that building is for?”
He was showing with his right index finger towards the bungalow opposite to the library, the office of National Election Commission. Its name was written in Nepali only; therefore, he must have not been able to read it. I opened my mouth to answer him.
“Dyatiz…Dyatiz…Dyatiz…”
To my surprise, I could not answer him in English. Instead, I stammered. I could not complete my sentence in English. I felt that my jaws were jammed with cement, and there was something that blocked my voice in my throat. Suddenly, my heart started pounding hard. After all, I lost the sense of the place and the time. I felt pity on myself. A brilliant young boy regarded so much by his villagers had suddenly discovered a dunce in himself.
“Oh, it’s OK. You don’t know.” The man smiled at me wickedly and said, “Thank you.”
He thanked me for not being able to speak English! I felt so much ashamed and humiliated that I hurriedly came out and did not go back to the library for almost a week.
In my later visits, I always remained alertso that I could avoid encounterwith white-looking men or women. I always sneaked into the library like a street cat entering a house, read books and magazines silently, and sneaked out seeing a good opportunity to avoid meeting anybody at the entrance. My pride of being a bright student back at my village had already vanished!
After that unexpected incident, I totally lacked confidence in speaking English. I couldn’t even introduce myself properly in English even after completing Bachelor with English major. I was good at reading and writing, but whenever I tried to say something in English, I felt there was a big lump in my throat. I felt very odd when I pronounced words loudly because I was doubtful if I could pronounce them correctly. Therefore, I became nervous in front of others and felt handicapped with the permanent disability to speak English. Later, I had to go through a lot of hardships in course of my struggle to overcome this impairment and to establish myself in the career of teaching English.
Because I was diagnosed with jaundice just in some months of my being in Kathmandu and remained seriously ill for three consecutive years, I could not complete the study of science. Therefore, I returned to Dharan and joined Humanities at Mahendra Multiple Campus with English major. At first, English books were very tough for me because they containedmany words that I did not know. I had an Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary which I frequently looked into for meanings and examples. It was the only authentic source for me to learn English correctly because there was no good library and the Internet connection in my access. However, I did not give up.
I was compelled to do job to sustain my family while studying in bachelors with English and Sociology as major subjects. So, I became a journalist. I had to be focused on collecting and writing news and feature articles in Nepali. As a result, I could not enrich my English vocabulary and energizemy ability for communication in English so much. I could manage to read college books just for two hours a day. My focus at that time was just how to pass the exams and get the certificate. Therefore, I mostly remained dependent on guess papersand guide books.
I used to read English newspapers and magazines such as The Kathmandu Post, The Himalayan Times, Web, Wisdom, the Reader’s Digest, etc. as much as possible. Even though I often found many words incomprehensible and from outside my vocabulary, I never stopped reading them. Slowly and gradually, I felt my vocabulary and comprehension of the English texts increasing. I read them as frequently as I could. Sometimes I read in the libraries. Sometimes I purchased them. However, I was not satisfied with my progress in English, especially listening and speaking skills, despite my huge effort.
Meanwhile, a private boarding school in Dharan, announced a vacancy for a lower-secondary English teacher. Since I had not started earning money from journalism yet because I was just an intern, and was going through a financial crisis, I decided to apply for the post. I was short-listed and called for interview. If I got the job, I would get 3,500 rupees per month plus extra tuition income. It was actually a handsome offer for me at that time. I could easily sustain my family in Dharan with that amount of money. But the interviewers revealed that they would keep all my original certificates with them for at least one academic session so that they could ensure my stability with them. I did not like the proposal as I thought that I would not have enough freedom with that condition.
The next day, the principal phoned me and informed that I had been selected. But I had already made up my mind not to join the school. Thus, not only the chance for being employed early but also the possibility of the enhancement of my spoken English was postponed.
When I was in B. A. second year, another private boarding school in Dharan published an advertisement for an English teacher. But due to my full involvement in journalisticwriting in Nepali and very little exposure to English, I hadn’t been able to improve my English speaking skill. I applied for the job and was called for the interview, but failed it. The interviewers said that they were in search of an SLC graduate from an English medium school. It pricked my heart. So, I decided that I would be a good English speaker one day.
When I reached in B. A. third year and was still unable to speak English confidently, I thought of going to a language class at an institute. I joined a well-reputed language institute where the Principal presented me a choice between two courses. The first was a general course that meant I would have to join the Intermediate level, and study and practice for six months. I would gradually be promoted to Advance Level as per my progress. The second was a purely speaking class which would be fully focused on speaking skills. I joined the second because it would better suit my purpose.
On the first day, I was one of the eight students in class waiting eagerly for the instructor. I was curious to know how the instructor would make me able to speak the language fluently. I was very much excited while waiting for the magic show.After a while, a rather fat and chubby-faced man, not more aged than myself, entered the class. Introducing himself first, he revealed that he was a B. A. second year student, one year junior to me. When my turn came, I introduced myself as a junior to him (I lied!).
The guy wrote a topic on the whiteboard and lectured in a non-stop way, his eyes closed, for almost twenty-five minutes. He spoke so fast that I could not understand what he was saying. I looked around at my classmates, and saw their confused faces, agape mouth and goggled eyes. Then he added more topics on the whiteboard and made us speak on them. It was like forcing a toddler to run before he has learnt how to walk.
I did not lose my patience for a week because I hoped the instructor would change his method. But I did not see any sign of that. He hardly gave us chance to practice speaking. Therefore, I stopped going to the class with new determination that I would one day be able to speak English as fluently as anyone else. But that day didn’t come so soon.
I completed BA and joined MA in English. I resigned from my job of Sub-Editor of a local daily newspaper so that I could devote my whole time for the study. After completing MA, I wanted to work in an English newspaper or magazine. Therefore, I wanted to make my English as good as possible.
I was a fulltime student until I took the first year examination. However, I was already in economic crisis. On the one hand, I wanted to pass MA in the first division so that I could have an insured future. On the other hand, my poverty was pinching me hard and the pressure to earn money for survival was increasing.
Most of my classmates were teachers. They were teaching either in private boarding schools, or in language and tuition centers. So, they could speak English far better than I. Mostly I remained mute in front of them because I lacked confidence for speaking.
Fortunately, there were two of my classmateswho taught at a language institute in Dharan. I knew from them that the language institute where they had been working had a vacancy for the post of a language instructor. I thought I could easily adapt myself in teaching after reading the prescribed books for language teaching. So, I requested them to take me to their principal who welcomed me happily.
Both my classmates were fluent speakers and skilled language instructors. I was, on the other hand, a complete new-comer. So, I lacked knowledge, skill and confidence. As I entered the classroom,the first day, the students laughed at me. I could not control them from making noise. Therefore, I became very nervous. I understood the difference between knowing something and making others know it.
For two or three times after that, the Principal, let me sit in his class of housewives and observe how he conducted elementary language class. I also got to know about some grammar and English language books that would support teaching and learning. The next day, I returned with almost 10 books of grammar and English language teaching from a bookshop in Dharan.
As a fresh MA graduate, I had a misconception that I was already a scholar of English. When I started reading the new books, I understood that there was a lot more for me to know. My illiterate mom saw me one morning sitting with the books, and said, “Have you not yet finished your reading? You say you have passed MA, but again you are reading!” Actually, she had thought that I would not have to read anymore beyond passing MA.
I had to go to Dharan by bus for the class. I would get up early in the morning and ride the night bus from Kathmandu to Dharan at Itaharichowk. I had been allocated only one language class. The salary I earned was not enough for survival and transportation to Dharan and back. Instead, if I could get a job as a language institute in Itahari I could have saved both my time and money. Therefore, I decided to search an opportunity for it in Itahari.
I prepared a CV of myself, and visited one language centre to another. My mom had a small fruit stall under a cherry tree on the highway in front of today’s Purwanchal Ice-cream Parlor. At that time, there was Gorkha Departmental Store. Every day I had to walk between the shop and the house two times – once for carrying lunch for mom, and again, in the evening, for helping her to keep the things in the store. Sometimes, I had to help mum even in the morning. On the way, just nearby the shop, was a computer institute. It was on the third floor of abuilding.I made up my mind to hunt a job of alanguage instructor.
One afternoon, I climbed up nervously to the third floor of the house and entered the office of the institute. A man of my age with a smiling face was sitting on the chair of Director. I greeted him and told him about my purpose of the visit. He showed his curiosity to know about me, and I handed him a copy of my CV. He told me that recently a group of SLC examinees who were going to take partial exam in English had been formed, and they were searching fora teacher. He also said that they would give 70 percent of the amount collected from the students to the teacher and would keep 30 percent with themselves. Then and there, I agreed with him and gave my consent to work. It was like an oasis in the middle of a desert for me.
The institute started admitting more students, and I became a full time English language teacher there. I never spoke Nepali in my classes because I had to practice it as much as possible. Now, I don’t know how I spoke and how I taught my students then. Whenever I recall those days, smile covers my face. Since there was no one to dominate me or indicate my mistakes, I came over my nervousness slowly and gradually.
After some months, one of the founders of the computer institute went to the UK for permanent residence. Another founder went to Kathmandu and the institute collapsed. But fortunately, I got another platform for myself- another computer institute- to hone my knowledge and skills for teaching English language. The proprietor of that institute bonded me for one year by signing an agreement paper. He agreed that he would provide me Rs. 2,500 per class per month. As per the agreement, he could admit up to fifteen students in one class. After some days, I got five classes per day. The steady income started showing positive vibes in my poverty-stricken daily routine.
I worked there for almost one and a half years. I had become a little experienced language teacher by then. Therefore, the Managing Director of another better invested language institute offered me better amount. I shifted myself to there, but I did not remain there for long. I felt an urge to make my career in teaching. It would not be possible if I did not work at a school or college. Therefore, I joined a private school as an English teacher though I would get almost half the amount I was earning in the language institute. In the morning, I started teaching English to plus two students at a college in Dharan.
After some more highs and lows in my teaching career, I joined SOS Hermann Gmeiner Secondary School in Itahari. The next year, I secured my job at Peace Zone School, Itahari, for the morning. Currently, I have been teaching at Vishwa Adarsha College, Itahari, for the last seven years. I have also got chance to attend some professional training sessions for teaching. I am still learning English, and it will never stop in future.
There is nothing impossible. One can change one’s destiny with hard work and strong determination. Today what I am is the result of what I did yesterday. Similarly, what I will be tomorrow will be the result of what am doing today. Our present is the outcome of our past. Naturally, our future will be the outcome of the present.
(Parshu Shrestha, 1981, teaches English at SOS Hermann Gmeiner Secondary School Itahari and Vishwa Adarsha College, Itahari, Sunsari. He writes short stories and research articles in English and Nepali.)