By Shilu Ghimire Neupane, PhD
It’s been sixteen years that I answered “me too” when students were asked how many of them wanted to make their career in writing? It was the batch of 2004 graduates of American Literature and creative writings in the University of Omaha, Nebraska. It took me 8 years after that answer to write my first novel “Para-ko-Deshma,” which was but a reflection of stories of international students who migrated to America in search of a better future. The book was published in 2013 during which time I was once again an international student, doing my Ph.D. at Texas Woman’s University, and also living and sharing many dreams and aspirations of my characters who were running after a mirage of success in the land of opportunities. But more I came into contact with my people, who were sharing a similar lifestyle in this “para-ko-deshma,” an alien land still, I found more similarities in our dreams and aspirations than differences. One of such prominent similarities, a common interest that many people shared that will be echoed throughout this piece is:
I too want to write a book
This phenomenological approach thus reverberates my very own struggle that was shared by majority of struggling immigrants in North America that I came across during my stay in different provinces/states of Canada and America in last two decades. As of 2020, there are countless poets, novelists, essayists, and storytellers in different parts of the world. They are in disguise of different workers, corporate employees, cooks, cleaners, beauticians, security guards, drivers, nurses, teachers, mothers and the list continues. They carry their own stories in foreign countries.
They are the creators and makers of stories, but deep down they share a common element; they carry a mini-Nepal in their heart. Their heart carry childhood places and characters, which may resonate to all Nepali nostalgic feelings, yet a bit different as these immigrants are farther from their homeland, and when Nepali in Nepal feels nostalgic for small or even specific moments of life, these Nepalese in diaspora feel nostalgic to Nepal on its totality, as a whole.
Road-map: What are the lived experiences of want -to-be writers in North American lifestyle?
I got an opportunity to get connected with people who shared common interest in Nepali literature as I started working together with Nepali community of Calgary, Canada during 2005-2011. Nepalese living abroad takes pride in celebrating days like Bhanu-Jayanti, Laxmi -jayanti and so on. Attending many such occasions in both Canada and America, I got countless opportunities to meet many wonderful writers and listen to their poetry, which they recited heartily. My eyes were filled contemplating over the nostalgic affluence in their work. I found similarities in their expressions of longings, so were many differences in the content of their writings, but its their presentations that never failed to mesmerize me. They reach to almost meditative state while reciting poetry that one can hardly tell if s/he is a current resident of Nepal or have been away from home since decades. Participation in such celebrations were just an alley for those writers to reconnect with their dreams that are buried in their priority piles, probably so heavy that they fall to the bottom of their pit. It looked like as if they were suggesting, I am here just to recite a poetry today, but I want to write my own book one day …one day when…I settle!
When I settle syndrome
I will get settled once I get a good job, once I move to a new house, once my kids go to school, once they finish school, the list continues…then I will have enough time to work on a book that I always wanted. Unfortunately, for many, that “tomorrow’ never comes. There is no significant difference in the sincerity of these want-be-writers’ wishes, their almost prayer like nostalgia to tell a story about their homeland, and their potential transformation. When immigrants struggle to make their space in a foreign soil, their first priority becomes how to pay a rent, buy groceries, healthcare, childcare, and maintaining visa status, and so forth. Alongside, when kids are merging to a new culture, and slipping out of their hands, how can one blame those parents if they are struggling to teach Nepali language to their kids? How can one expect them to write and discuss about contemporary literature and critique it? Does it mean they are less capable to do the later? No. Does it mean they are not qualified as writers? Of course, not. This makes me recall several stories that I heard from new immigrants how they have drafted and crafted some of their poetry/short stories using their commute hours to work. I too had two big boxes full of half-written diaries when I moved to Texas for my further study; those diaries full of drafts didn’t mean anything to other people but they were priceless for me, the volumes of yet to be completed books if not published. Deep down I still wanted to be a writer. I too wanted to see and hold many of my literary babies in my arms as I have been impregnated with hundred ideas, plots, and characters for many years, as Gandhari’s desire of motherhood had to wait longer than usual period of pregnancy to see hundred of her children.
Anyone can write, but not everyone can be a writer.
Life may be full of rich experiences, mind may be full of new ideas, wardrobe may be full of resources, and you have a sincere wish to write a book , would that put you in a writer’s category? May be not, may be not yet. One needs a goal, a clear mindset, a determination, and most importantly an action oriented discipline to bring a result. It also connects to a deep human desire of extending a legacy of one culture to the next generation through teaching, mentoring, or involving in a creative activity, such as writing a book. Erik Erikson, the 20th century psychoanalyst postulated a theory identifying eight stages of psychosocial development in a person’s life, each stage consisting of two conflicting forces. Generativity vs. Stagnation is the seventh stage, when middle agers (35-65) discover a sense of contribution to the community or to the world. Being able to write a book may be an act of generativity for some people who continue to thrive with their sense of accomplishment, while others may feel a lack of purpose and remain unfulfilled in a land, which never feels like their home.
The Problem
What help want-be -writers need to meet their professional needs, and who help them during their beginning years of writing are the basic questions I would like to leave open for the readers. I can relate my stories to many other Nepalese living abroad who have volumes of work, worthy ideas, that are yet to be written or shared. Yes, it takes a little more effort, a little more perseverance, a good sum of money that could be set aside with hardship, by making choices whether to buy furniture, an electronic gadget, cut down bills or put towards book publishing?
I am telling my story of publishing my first book and three others, but my drive may have been a little heavier than many other fellow friends who are living abroad. No, I can’t say that my journey of becoming a published writer was easy or smooth, which is not true, but I may have been a little bit persistent despite my struggle and challenges to make a space in this home away from home, maintaining an international student status, a mother of two kids who was still pursuing higher.
It was not easy, not at all, even to find time, or arrange money for self-publishing, a question that was asked to me by many of my friends or families living in Canada or America. Without that persistence, without that grit, it was not possible at all, or else, like many of my diaries or loose manuscripts may get shredded or lost in the pile of unnecessary things while moving, or making space for yourself in a foreign land and what not.
This makes me think of Virginia Woolf, and I can’t help revisiting her room of one’s own, not in the context of women writers only but for every settler away from their motherland. Again, I am speaking from my own life, it’s my own story, but I can say that many other people fit into my shoes, which I have experienced because of my association with many literary organizations in Canada and different states of America. When people know that I have published books, they take me seriously, which is understandable. But it is painful to see many writers, whose books are yet to be published if not written had there been an environment or opportunity. This leads to my final point, what’s the need?
The purpose of this article is to inform, educate and also acknowledge the need of working towards a forum, where dedicated minds work together to identify resources (human as well as financial) to create a group of mentors who can help fellow writers in their questions towards writing journey. May it be a simple thing like how do I publish? Who can help to type? How much is tentative cost expected for self-publishers or publish elsewhere? Or if there are any workshops or classes to create stories, novellas or short stories? Only when there are resources, mentors and inspirers, our new generation would be able to create better stories, which could be read in platforms of international literature. Each of us should invest our time, interest or support the paths to create next phase of writers, who could help us to pick some new books with pride, and the list consist not only of B.P, Devkota, M. M Dixit, Parijaat but many more new names. Lastly, let’s ponder over some questions; “Do I need help to write? Do I need help to publish? What are some of my questions? My fears? What are some of my wildest dreams as a writer if time and money were not the issues? What is that one help that you need or could give in order to publish your book/work? Think of one of your hands to get some help and stay connected, but offer other hand to give, there may be many others who could use your help.
Assumptions
Published works are the benchmark of success/Nepali writers hesitate to seek help/Nepali writers are not competent communicators when it comes to literary conversation/One needs to have a leadership role to become a published writer /Writers experience frequent financial stress/Mentorship makes a difference to writers etc.
Summing up
The soil of diaspora is rich with potential and creativity. It’s the time to bring old and new generation together and work hand in hand in collaboration of ideas and utilizing the richness of technology. It’s time to tell your stories of smile and struggle and share that to inspire many people who may learn from them. Published vs. unpublished makes a difference. It may not be a big difference in quality or interest, but a quality of a good writer is a perseverance to make the work published, as a good literary work becomes a public property.
Simple questions like when is a good time to start writing?, start helping?, start connecting and contributing?, what are the need vs. want to set aside time and money towards your goal?, and, most importantly, what are you willing to sacrifice?
One needs to keep asking and sharing these questions to self and others to get connected to your goal. You can teach, you can mentor others as much you can learn from them. It’s a two way process. Again, I can’t iterate much on the need of a reading culture. One must read, read, and read in order to start writing.
Confession point
I amNOT a professional or an established writer. Writing is my hobby and not a career. I am fully aware that my writings have countless flaws and they are not perfect. But whose are? Self-criticism is good, but it should be a stepping-stone and not a barrier. One must move ahead.
Reflection
My journey of getting closer to these want-to-be writers started as a student of literature in an American University, where I got an opportunity to read creations of many American writers. During those days I couldn’t help thinking about Nepali literature and wondered countless times if only our literature was written or translated in English, it could reach to many more readers across the globe. In those days, I brought few of the selected books from Nepal; which were my all time favorites; Madhavi by Madan Mani Dixit, Sumnima by B.P. Koirala, Sirish ko Ful by Parijaat, and Devkota’s Muna Madan; handful of authors I knew by heart and the list has not been updated for a longtime. I have added only a few new authors on my list even though I like to read as much as I can. I was not able to do much or got an opportunity to get involved in Nepali literary circle for a period of due to student obligations, but my thoughts were postponed and added on the to-do-list for the time yet to come.
At this time, I can’t help recalling to my childhood when I look back to my interest of becoming a writer. It was a naïve wish of a school-girl, who took pride in assuming her as an upcoming writer when her creative endeavors were awarded with recognitions, applauds, certificates and encouraging remarks of teachers. Countless children may have shared the dream like mine wanting to be writers. The numbers of my journals grew along with my years, creating countless stories and poems yet unshared. I got married, became a mother before becoming a writer, still impregnated with many stories that were yet to be born. I waited for 19 years to compile short stories that were hidden in the pages of my daily journals that were written over 20 years ago, a habit that I have been practicing religiously since last three decades of my life.
But still I struggle, I have so many questions, and more I receive on a daily basis from those who see me as a published writer, despite my flaws, incompetency and room for improvement. I hope my reflection would encourage some of such want-to-be writers who are postponing writing their memoirs and struggling to make their space in this land, which may still feel unwelcoming at certain occasions and when your heart longs to reach to your real home-Nepal. Yes, anyone can write, but not everyone is a writer. Good writing flows through your heart and touches readers. Striving this, I cherish the journey not destination.
[Dr. Shilu GhimireNeupane, the first Nepali to earn a Ph.D in Family Studies did her MA in American Literature & Creative writing. Five of her books have been published in various genres of literature. She currently teaches at Texas Woman’s University. Her research interest is women entrepreneurship & financial competency.]